JOKES

                                           BLONDE JOKE



A blind guy  shouts         across the room to the     bartender:  




" Hey Joe, want to hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice the guy next to him says, 

"Before you tell that joke, you need to know that the bartender is blonde,  the bouncer is blonde, I am blond and I weigh 200 lbs, the guy sitting next to me is blond, six feet tall and weighs 300 lbs and the fellow on your right is blonde pushing 250 lbs and is a wrestler.   Think about it carefully, do you still wish to tell your blonde joke?"

The blind guy says  

"No. Not if I am going to have to repeat it five times." 

MY FAVORITE PSALMS - PART TWENTY SIX

                                             MY FAVORITE              PSALMS - PART           TWENTY SIX




I will open my mouth in a parable, I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and have known and our fathers have told us.

We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord and His strength and His wonderful works which He has done.

For He has established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel which He commanded our fathers that they should make them known to their children. 

That the generations to come might know them, even the children which should be born, who should arise and declare them to their children that they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.

And not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not steadfast with God.

The children of Ephraim, being armed and carrying bows, turned back in the day of battle, they kept not the covenant of God and refused to walk in His law; and forgot His work and His wonders that He had shown them. Marvellous things did He in the sight of their fathers in the land of Egypt, in the field of Zoan.



He divided the sea and caused them to pass through; and He made the waters to stand as a heap. 

 In the daytime also, he led them with a cloud, and all the night with a light of fire.


He clave the rock in the wilderness and gave them drink as out of the great depths.  He brought streams also out of the rock, and caused waters to run down like rivers.

And they sinned yet more against Him, by provoking the Most High in the wilderness. And they tempted God in their heart by asking meat for their lust. Yea, they spoke against God, they said,  Can God establish a table in the wilderness?

Behold He smote the rock that the waters rushed out, and the streams overflowed; can He give bread also?  Can He provide flesh for His people?

Therefore the Lord heard this and was wroth. So a fire was kindled against Jacob, and anger also came up against Israel, because they believed not in God and trusted not in His salvation.

Though He had commanded the clouds from above, and opened the doors of heaven and had rained down manna upon them to eat, and had given them the corn of heaven. Man did eat angel's food. He sent them meat to the full.

He caused the East wind to blow in the heaven; and by His power He brought in the South wind. He rained flesh also upon them as dust, and feathered fowls as the sands of the sea; and He let it fall in the midst of their camp , round about their habitations.  

So they did eat and were well filled; for He gave them their own desire. They were now estranged from their lust. But while their meat was still in their mouths the wrath of God came upon them, and slew the fattest of them, and smote down the chosen men of Israel.

For all this they sinned still, and believed not for His wondrous works. Therefore their days did He consume in vanity and their years in trouble.

When they He slew them then they sought Him; and they inquired early after God. And they remembered that God was their rock and the High God their Redeemer.

Nevertheless they did flatter Him with their mouth and they lied unto Him with their tongues. For their heart was not right with Him, neither were they steadfast in His covenant.

But He being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not; yea, many a time turned He His anger away and did not stir  up all His wrath; for He remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passes  away, and cometh not again. How oft did they provoke Him in the wilderness and grieve Him in the dessert? Yea, they turned back and tempted God and limited the Holy One of Israel.

They remembered not His hand, nor the day when He delivered them from the enemy. How He had wrought His signs in Egypt and His wonders in the field of Zoan. And He turned their rivers into blood and their floods, that they could not drink.


next post  23rd September 

AWESOME GOD - GOD OUR PROVIDER

                                           GOD  OUR  PROVIDER

  Right from the                   beginning, God has             provided for His                 people's needs. He put       them in a beautiful             garden and they lacked       for nothing. 

The Lord commanded the man, saying, "from every tree in the garden you may eat freely. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."
Genesis 2:17

And even when Adam and Eve sinned by breaking  God's commandment and realized they were naked,  God still made clothes for them out of animal skins. 

"And the Lord God made for Adam and his wife, garments of skins and clothed them."
Genesis 3:21

And later, when God rescued the Israelites from the Egyptian captivity they travelled in the wilderness for forty years and their shoes and their clothing never wore out. 

"I have led you forty years in the wilderness; your clothes have not worn out on you, and your sandals have not worn out on your feet."
Deuteronomy  29: 5

They always had food and water, a cloud to keep them cool during the day and a pillar of fire to keep them warm at night.

Here are some more scripture verses showing God's provision for His people:

"I the Lord am your God, Who brought you up from the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide and I will fill it."
Psalm  81:10

"The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; But they who seek the Lord, shall not be in want of any good thing."
Psalm 34:10

"Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you: I give all to you, as I gave the green plant."
Genesis  9:




The sons of Israel went through the midst of the sea on the dry land, and the waters were like a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.
Exodus  14:22


"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

"And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Philipians 4:19

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?"

"And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do what pleases Him."
1 John  3:22

These scriptures show us how much God loves us and how He provides for our every need.  We cannot hope for a better Father.  

It may be that you are in a bad stage of life,  where you just don't know where to turn. Maybe you are in over your head financially, or emotionally, or even spiritually.  I pray that these scriptures encourage you  to trust in God and wait upon Him. Be sure that He has a plan for your life . He will provide for you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

 I know because I am going through a similar experience at the moment, and He is always there just when I need Him.

We don't always know what the road ahead holds for us but we can be sure when we belong to Him we do not have to know, because He is always there ahead of us.  What we do have to do is Trust Him, and only Him.  All else will fail.  Never trust the arm of flesh.  People will always fail you. God never will.


next post  21st September

RECIPE TIME - GENERAL HERTZOG COOKIES

                                                  GENERAL                   HERTZOG                   COOKIES

                                                
 Ingredients:

3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1 cup coconut
3 eggs
a little bit of milk
half cup butter or margarine
3 teaspoons baking powder
pinch of salt

Method:

Mix the flour, baking powder, salt and half the sugar together. Rub in the butter.

 Beat egg yolks with the milk and add to the mixture, mix well.  

Roll out, cut into circles with cookie cutter  and line into greased patty pans. Put a little bit of apricot jam onto dough in  each patty pan (approx small teaspoon). Set aside.

Beat whites of eggs stiffly, add coconut and rest of sugar, stir well  and pour into patty pans on top of the apricot jam.

Bake at 450o for ten minutes.


next post    19th September

TWENTY SIXTEEN - PART TWENTY SIX

TWENTY SIXTEEN PART TWENTY SIX


                                          Hello folks,


          it is now the 1st July -              Andy has paid his                      monthly contribution.                                                                Steve also promised to              pay his monthly as                    weekly was becoming              too much of a nuisance           for him.

But due to a banking problem (limited amount he is able to send at any one time) was not able to do so.  Had to prod him a few times as he is so busy he doesn't have time to worry about little things like our needs.

Unfortunately it restricts our plans and we have to apply other contingencies which do not always fit in. For example having to  make our domestic wait for her money, which does not make her very happy.

Andy said I should find out what the earphones and foot pedals cost and he will try to help. so that I can start doing transcription work.

Early hours,  4th July, 5.30am.

I have not slept enough, but the fear overwhelms me, prodding me awake. It has been going on for weeks now. I fight it, I cry out to God for help, but it persists. I beg God to take it from me. I know it is wrong. God's word tells us over and over and over to trust Him.   Worry is actually a sin. It means I am not trusting my heavenly Father.

He has done so much for me. I see His miracles daily, yet my faith is so weak.  All I see is the time rushing past and the deadline approaching. 

We have less than two months left to start producing our rent. It increases by 8% on 1st September, bringing it to R7,020.  Where will it come from if I don't start doing transcription work but every thing I do gets blocked in some way or another. 

 Now my eyes are giving me trouble.  They are red, itchy and swollen. I have tried eye ointments and cucumber slices but nothing seems to help. 



During the day I keep my mind occupied with daily tasks and when the fear tries to overpower me I say over and over  


"whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are excellent, whatsoever things are admirable, whatsoever things are of good report, think on these things."
Phillipians  4.8

The fear is kept at bay because I block it from my mind, but when I sleep I can no longer control it and it eats me up alive.  I wake in terror, I feel sick with it. It is like a heavy black cloud pressing me down and squeezing the life out of me.

I think back to my early childhood. I was very young, probably three or four years old, and I remember my earthly dad putting me up on a wall in the presence of his friend and asking me to jump into his arms. I could not. The fear was too great.  My dad wanted his friend to see that I trusted him.  Oh how I let him down that day. 

Now on this 4th day of July I finally realize that God has provided me with the weapons I need to win this battle.  He does not wave a magic wand. He want us to be warriors not worriers.

So now I stand up and say "be gone Satan, you no longer have any power over me. God is in control and in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ  I command you to leave, go back to where you came from.  I belong to Jesus. Nothing you can say or do can harm me. God's word says

"Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed. I will help you, I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

The fear is gone and Satan with it. The enemy of my soul must leave when I quote God's word to him. I have known this for so many years, but how easy it is to forget. From now on I will remember and  just as I keep the enemy at bay during the day I will also do so at night.

God has given us the power to fight the enemy of our soul and when we do not use it we remain defeated. 

I do not yet know what God's plan is for my situation. What I do know though is that He will provide. He has never let me down before. He is training me to wait upon Him. and Him alone.

next post  18th September.

BLONDE JOKE

                                               BLONDE JOKE


 A blonde wanting to        earn some money,          decides to hire                herself out as a handyman type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. 

She went to the first house and asked the owner whether he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, what will you charge me to paint my front porch?" 

The blonde says  :  "$50"

The man agrees,  and tells her that the paint and ladders are in the garage  The man's wife, inside the house, asks him:

"Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

"She should do. She was standing on the porch."



A short while later the blonde came to the front door to collect her money. Very impressed the man reaches into his pocket for the money, and says

"Finished already. That was quick."

"Yes,"  says the blonde    "and I had paint left over so I gave it a second coat.  And by the way that's not a Porshe in the garage it's a Ferrari."

MY FAVORITE PSALMS - PART TWENTY FIVE

 MY FAVORITE PSALMS                                        - PART TWENTY FIVE

                                            
 Truly God is good to      Israel, even to such        as are of a clean            heart.

                                         Nevertheless I am continually withThee, Thou hast holden my right hand. Thou shalt  guide me with Thy councel and afterward receive me  to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee.

My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.
But is it good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I might declare all Thy works.

For God is my King of old, working salvation in the midst of the earth. Thou didst divide the sea by Thy strength. Thou breakest the heads of the dragons in the waters.

Thou didst cleave the fountain and the flood: Thou driedst up mighty rivers. The day is Thine and the night also is Thine. Thou hast prepared the light and the sun.

Thou hast set all the borders of the earth: Thou hast made summer and winter.

Unto Thee, O God do we give thanks. I cried out to God with my voice, even unto God with my voice, and He gave ear unto me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord.

 
  I will remember the works of the Lord:  surely I will        remember Thy wonders of   old. I will meditate also of    all Thy work and talk of          Thy doings.



Thy way, O Lord, is in the sanctuary. Who is so great a God as our God?

Thou art the God that doest wonders. Thou hast declared Thy strength among the people.

Thou hast with Thy right arm redeemed Thy people, Jacob and Joseph. Selah

The waters saw Thee, O God, the waters saw Thee and were afraid. The depths also were troubled.

The clouds poured out water. The skies sent out a sound. Thy arrows also went abroad. The voice of thunder was in the heaven. The lightnings lightened the world; the earth trembled and shook.

Thy way is in the sea, and Thy path in the great waters and Thy footsteps are not known.

Thou leddest Thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Give ear, O my people to My law. Incline your ears to the words of My mouth.



next post   15th September