The road ahead is still full of curves. I cannot see what lies ahead, but God is faithful and He is leading the way. I know this for a fact because He has placed peace in my heart and is strengthening me spiritually and physically. I no longer feel so helpless and despondent - my fear has gone - I refuse to think about what could happen - I have placed my anxieties and problems at His feet (1st Peter 5: 7) He has told both of us Ruth and I, to "wait on the Lord," and this is what we are doing. I know that He loves me and so I place my Trust in Him.
"Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent, or praiseworthy think about such things. Whatever you have learned from me, put into practice, and the God of peace will be with you."
Phil: 4:4-9
4.27am - 6th January - Nothing has changed - I am saturating my mind with scriptures and it cancels all anxiety.
"My God shall supply all my needs, according to His richness in glory, by Christ Jesus."
Phil: 4: 19
What a wonderful promise! It leaves no room for questioning.
"My heavenly Father has adopted me into His family and He is able to meet all my needs."
Rom:8 : 15
He has moved me out of darkness into the light of His Kingdom. God's protective shield is around me and He is providing for every need that I might have.
The Holy Spirit has come to live in me. He has come to help me, guide me, and teach me in every aspect of my life. Whatever I need in my life He has promised to give me. All I need to do is believe. Note I did not say 'He has promised to give me all I want but He has promised all I need.'
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Phil: 4: 6-8
7th January
Woke up very late. Daniel sent me a message last night about an app called "shopify" apparently you can use it to sell goods on the internet, you just add it to your blog website.
Looks promising. Also this morning Ruth told me that her friend Erica is interested in buying her gold ear rings, depending on the price she is willing to go up to R1800. We are also waiting for the coin shop's assessment of our three one-tenth ounce gold Kruger coins.
We need money for veggies and cold drinks for our lunch with Andy and his family on Saturday 9th - the sales mentioned above will not help for that as we need the money tomorrow. So tonight we broke into our piggy bank and managed to scrape R71 together. Added to that we will get a credit tomorrow (8th) from Dischem for an error they made, amount R89 bringing us to R160 and I have R20 in my bank account = R180
As you can see our Heavenly Father is working on our behalf - He is providing for our needs, - we will carry on trusting Him. He is in control as always. We just have to believe.
"Trust in the Lord and don't despair,
He is a friend so true,
no matter what your troubles are,
Jesus will see you through."
8th January
Appointment today for hearing aid -Steve and Andy have promised to each pay half - not covered by Medical aid (R8500) . Another appointment at 1.30 pm with Doctor v.d. Merwe, check-up and new script.
Anniversary of Andries Petrus Malan's death
(51 years)
I have submitted myself to God's will. All I ask is that He leads me. I am listening and watching for His leading. I only wish to please Him. Nothing else matters. Nothing else is important. He is my Creator, He is my Saviour, He is my Protector, He is my Provider, He is my Physician, He is my Mentor, He is all I need.
"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength,
They shall mount up on wings as eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31
While we were in the car on our way to my appointment the Coin shop phoned Ruth - they are prepared to pay R1500 per gold coin;
Praise the Lord. Hallelujah!
After our appointments we took the coins to shop to trade in - I stayed in car as effort to walk is too great. Ruth came back needing her Capitec card which was in my handbag. Bad news, we have to wait five to seven working days for money to be paid into our banking account.
I was shocked. They took legit coins which they had scanned in their shop a few days previously and they expect us to wait for payment. I worried over this for a while, imagining all sorts of scenaria, and then phoned Ruth in order to stop the transaction.
Her phone is giving trouble and was on voicemail. I also did not know where in the mall the coin shop was and when I tried to get out of the car the alarm went off. I was powerless to do anything - it was out of my hands. I was not in control.
This episode started my fear again. Instead of "putting on the armour of God," I allowed my fear to build. Once home some other small incidents took place which only increased my anxiety.
Here I am, trying to please God and then being such a failure. Will I ever learn?
"Stand still, fear not and see the salvation of the Lord."
Ex : 14-13
But through it all I am grateful. We have a comfortable home, food to eat and we can sleep peacefully knowing that God is in control.
9th January - It is not quite the ninth yet - three quarters of an hour to go. I have slept for about two hours but woke up suffering with the heat, even though the fan in on, and feeling very despondent.
Lord I ask You to teach me to trust You. Most of the time I think I do, but when I am so tired, like today, the enemy gains the advantage.
Teach me O Lord, not to let my defences down, no matter how tired and sore I am. Help me to remember to put on the full armour of God, because without it I will surely fail. I am such a disappointment to You.
Your Word says "Without faith it is impossible to please God."
Heb: 11-6
Lord I really do want to please You. Help me to remember Your promises - Lord You have said the words: "Do not be afraid." You did not say it once but 365 times in the Bible. Once for every day of the week, which really means "do not ever be afraid."
You have also said :
"Fear not for I am with you."
Isaiah : 41-10
"I will never leave you, nor forsake you."
Heb: 13-5
"Your name is written in the palms of my hands."
Isaiah: 49-16
"Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might."
Eph: 6 -10
"And lo I am with you, even to the end of the world."
Matt: 28-20
After writing down these promises of God I was able to sleep peacefully for another five hours, but not feeling too good today. Feeling squeamish on my stomach. 8am took a Rythmol even though the doctor said it wasn't working. Ate a biscuit so that I could take my chronic medication.
Visitors today - Andy, Fiona, Ryan, Shari, Struan, Nedal and Daniel, already arranged in December.
Very tired after yesterday's outing, but have lots to do to help Ruth prepare food etc.
"I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Phil: 4 -13
Had a lovely day. Ryan set up my blog but I am too tired to try it out and also there is a storm brewing which has already taken out the electricity.
Andy said not to worry. He and Steve will sort out the hearing aid. He also asked Ruth to send him her banking details.
I am so thankful to God for giving us such a lovely day.
to be continued
Next post 26th March
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