Hello folks,
it is now the 1st July - Andy has paid his monthly contribution. Steve also promised to pay his monthly as weekly was becoming too much of a nuisance for him.
But due to a banking problem (limited amount he is able to send at any one time) was not able to do so. Had to prod him a few times as he is so busy he doesn't have time to worry about little things like our needs.
Unfortunately it restricts our plans and we have to apply other contingencies which do not always fit in. For example having to make our domestic wait for her money, which does not make her very happy.
Andy said I should find out what the earphones and foot pedals cost and he will try to help. so that I can start doing transcription work.
Early hours, 4th July, 5.30am.
I have not slept enough, but the fear overwhelms me, prodding me awake. It has been going on for weeks now. I fight it, I cry out to God for help, but it persists. I beg God to take it from me. I know it is wrong. God's word tells us over and over and over to trust Him. Worry is actually a sin. It means I am not trusting my heavenly Father.
He has done so much for me. I see His miracles daily, yet my faith is so weak. All I see is the time rushing past and the deadline approaching.
We have less than two months left to start producing our rent. It increases by 8% on 1st September, bringing it to R7,020. Where will it come from if I don't start doing transcription work but every thing I do gets blocked in some way or another.
Now my eyes are giving me trouble. They are red, itchy and swollen. I have tried eye ointments and cucumber slices but nothing seems to help.
During the day I keep my mind occupied with daily tasks and when the fear tries to overpower me I say over and over
"whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are excellent, whatsoever things are admirable, whatsoever things are of good report, think on these things."
Phillipians 4.8
The fear is kept at bay because I block it from my mind, but when I sleep I can no longer control it and it eats me up alive. I wake in terror, I feel sick with it. It is like a heavy black cloud pressing me down and squeezing the life out of me.
I think back to my early childhood. I was very young, probably three or four years old, and I remember my earthly dad putting me up on a wall in the presence of his friend and asking me to jump into his arms. I could not. The fear was too great. My dad wanted his friend to see that I trusted him. Oh how I let him down that day.
Now on this 4th day of July I finally realize that God has provided me with the weapons I need to win this battle. He does not wave a magic wand. He want us to be warriors not worriers.
So now I stand up and say "be gone Satan, you no longer have any power over me. God is in control and in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I command you to leave, go back to where you came from. I belong to Jesus. Nothing you can say or do can harm me. God's word says
"Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed. I will help you, I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
The fear is gone and Satan with it. The enemy of my soul must leave when I quote God's word to him. I have known this for so many years, but how easy it is to forget. From now on I will remember and just as I keep the enemy at bay during the day I will also do so at night.
God has given us the power to fight the enemy of our soul and when we do not use it we remain defeated.
I do not yet know what God's plan is for my situation. What I do know though is that He will provide. He has never let me down before. He is training me to wait upon Him. and Him alone.
next post 25th September.
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